Secrets of Self-Empowerment

‘What do you want to do when you leave school?’ Sam asked Mel at breakfast one day.

‘I want to be a doctor,’ Mel replied. ‘A surgeon, in fact.’

‘And spend your time cutting people up and sewing them back together? Yuk!’ said Sam, pulling a face.

‘But I know I . . . → Read More: Part 4: Freedom From Stress

The more predictable your reactions, the more other people can control you, and the less control you have of yourself.

If you always react predictably, you can easily be manipulated.

Notice when your buttons are being pressed – the times when you might catch yourself reacting instead of responding.

Reactions are robotic . . . → Read More: 4.1 Becoming More Flexible

The real meaning of what you say or do is not necessarily what you intend it to be: it is to be found in the response you get.

Responses are feedback which tell us when we are on-course, or off-course. Feedback may be verbal or non-verbal or (most likely) both.

Supposing you had a . . . → Read More: 4.2 Responding With Integrity

Stimulation is what we need to keep us motivated and interested in life, while stress is something that happens inside us when we react to stimulation in less-than-useful ways.

Right now I would like you to leave behind the idea that stress is something that happens to you. We have already discussed how stress . . . → Read More: 4.3 Stress & Imagination

Much of the stress we make for ourselves relates to the way we experience and deal with time.

When tasks have to be completed ‘against the clock’, people often describe the experience as being ‘under pressure’, as if time itself was somehow ‘pressing in’ on them, squeezing ‘now’ into a smaller and smaller space. . . . → Read More: 4.4 Playing With Time

Mel and Sam were sitting in their favourite coffee bar, waiting for some friends to show up. As usual, they sat near the window against the wall on high chrome-legged stools. Between them on a small, round yellow-topped table sat a napkin dispenser, salt and pepper pots and two iced pineapple crushes with straws. . . . → Read More: Part 5: Effective Communication

When we are getting on well with someone, we say we are ‘in rapport’.

By this we mean that we seem to understand each other at a level beyond the mere exchange of verbal information.

When people are in rapport, they often begin to adopt similar postures and may subtly mimic each . . . → Read More: 5.1 Body Talk

When we get to know someone over a period of time, we learn to recognize certain signals – perhaps a facial expression, a way of moving or breathing, or a tone of voice – that tell us a great deal about their state of mind at that moment. We also learn to spot small . . . → Read More: 5.2 Tuning In

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and come away with a feeling that, despite the fact that you share a common tongue, you were somehow speaking different languages?

Perhaps you were trying to talk about feelings, while the other person was talking in terms of how things looked or sounded to them? . . . → Read More: 5.3 Language Of The Senses

Being assertive can help to get you what you want.

Being assertive all the time in every situation is not necessarily the best way of getting along with people. Sometimes you can produce a more rewarding outcome by showing the other person that their needs may be even more important than your own . . . → Read More: 5.4 Beyond Assertiveness